Thursday, December 17, 2009
Okay so I made a new blog on Tumblr. I dont know why but I did. That one I might let people see so I wont say some of the personal stuff that I say on here about my friends and stuff. I seriously cant wait to just be done with school work, but honestly, im not really that excited to go home. When Im here I have Katy or Alissa or even Holly or Gina or Megan to hang out with but when Im home katy has pat and alissa has kristy and her family and I feel like I have no one to go home to. Sure I have my family but my dad and my brother dont want to spend time with me. I do miss my mom and I know she misses me, so Im excied to see her and spend time with her but she goes to bed early and I feel like I end up spending all day inside doing nothing while everyone else is spending time with their other friends. Even Brianna. I know she wants to hang out cuz she doesnt really have that many real friends. She seriously meets these random people on the internet which I think is weird. She said she want to go on a trip to King of Prusssia to see some guy and stay over night with him. I just think that is weird because I dont even know if she ever met him before because she told me she kinda didnt wanna go alone. I guess I would go with her but I think that would be weird for me, even if someone else came. Like, I honstly dont feel like I have that many people who caare about me. My mom does I know. But even my dad. Like, I always feel like he never wants to talk to me and its always forced when he does. And if he does wanna talk he is usually fucked up and acting like an idiot. My brother doesnt miss me either. I try to spend time with him but all he wants to do is play one of his stupid games. He just gets annoyed when I come into his room to talk. I really want a boyfriend but I will probably never have one because I am so fucking fat and ugly. Like honestly I wish I was just skinny. Even ugly skinny girls can get boyfriends but no guy wants to be with a fat girl. I wish I had an eaingsdisorder. Seriously like I dont even have that many friends. So many of them like emmy and michelleandkristy and colleen arent really my good friends. Like seriously the only people I talk to anymore are katy alissa and brianna and all of them have other people who care about them to hangout with at home. I really miss my mom. I dont really think about it during the day but now that I think about it I really do miss her. I feel so bad because my brother and dad dont spend time with her and she works all day to make money for them and I dont think they even appreciate her. I havent said I Love You to my mom in years. I want to. I really do. But I dont think I can and I dont know why. I do love her and I want her to know because I dont think she knows how much I really appreciate her but for some reason I stopped saying it and if I started to say it now they would think it was weird and make a big deal about it and idk why I feel like I cant. When I go home I am really gonna try to spend a lot of time with her because when im gone I miss her and I want her to know that. Im crying right now because all of this is making me sad. I feel bad for my parents because christmas is coming up and I know they dont have a lot of money. I really dont want anything for christmas but I know it makes them feel bad when they want to give me stuff and they cant. Its hard for everyone right now and I feel like my parents will feel like they need to give us more. Im pretty much bawling right now soI should probably stop. I really cant wait to see my mom now.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Okay so finals are coming up and i am kinda freaking out. I have to finish my english portfolio which consists of 4 final papers, all the drafts, inclass writings and discussion questions. AND I have to write a paper for politics of identity. AND I have to study for my law final. Oh yeah and I hav less than a wek to do it all =( I wanted to go out this weekend since have been beinga bum but i honsetly dont think that it is a good idea. if anything it will make me wanna write my papers lesss and therefore stress out even more the night before they are due. but after this week i have a whole month off for christmas and i cant wait to do absolutely nothing for four whole weeks. im sure i will get bored at home since there is nothing to do in scranton but at leaast i wont be writing papers all the time. ughh and i still need to clean my room and pack. i seriously have NO time to sdo anything. but of course i have time to sit online way too long on facebook/petville/farmville/fishville/youtube/twitter/blogging. its FINE. this semester is so close to being over and christmas is right around the corner and i swear i am not going to take this break for granted. our room is so messy i wanna puke. there are clothes EVERYWHERE and garbage and hair andeverything and i feel so overwhelmed when i am in the room that i cant get any work done and its so cold and windy outside i dont wanna leave so i end up sittting here do absolutely nothing productive. my sleep schedule is so weird lately. for a while i was staying up all night and then just crashing but the past few days i have been getting up before 8. i guess thats good since i have an 8am class next semester but i feel like i can only do work at night but since im getting up so early i cant stay up late so im not getting work done. its only 10pm now so i think im gonna go to bed early and try to go to the tech center tomorrow morning cuz i seriously have so much owrk to do i really cant put it off any longer or else i might not make it through the next week. if i have to take english 802 again i will be pissed. but i think if i really try i can pull it off. i cant stop listening to bad romance by lady gaga. idk why but the song is so good and the video is AMAZING. like, i cant stop watching it. i love the dance moves or something idk haha. ive also been obsessed with scenes from an italian restaurant and now i wanna learn to play it but of course i have no time here so that is one of my goals over break. along with watching all nine seasons of degrassi and reading the lost symbol and some jodi picoult books. im really going to try to work friday and saturday so that way i can kind of take a break sunday. we are going to get a funny movie and order coookies and brownies and be gross but only if we do alot of work the next two days. i swear this first semester went by SO fast. like, 1/8 of my undergrad career is OVER. i only have 7 more semesters left here =( so next semester i am going to try to live it up. i want to go out alot more because i can probably count the times i went out this semester on two hands. that is sad. but once it is nice it should be better. PLUS i dont have class on fridays so i can also go out thursday nights! weather or not i actuallly will depends on thesituation but i hope i do. my eyes and teeth hurt so i mut be tired. heres to a full next two days of work. 7 days left till break and 15 days till xmas!!!
Monday, December 7, 2009
Okay so my sleep schewdule lately is completely FUCKED UP. I went to bed last night at 3:00am and woke up at 2:30 pm. I slept for almost 12 HOURS. And now its 6:30am and im not tired. This is a problem. I have class at 10am and i know that by that time i will be completely tired. Im tired of being awake while everyone is asleep and when i do wake up no one is there. Like, thanks for going to get lunch without even telling me. You could have atleast texted me or tried to wake me up. Like I know its not their responsibility to feed me but it would have atleast been nice to like, offer. Whatever. And then they try to act like nothing is wrong and that its funny or something. Whatever. I dont really care. Hopefully over Christmas break I will be able to make my sleep schedule semi-normal. I will probably just screw it up more though. I have finals coming up and I need to write like, 4 papers within the next week. Im screwed. I know I will be able to get it done eventually but I really just need motivation to get started. I ahve my sexuality final on wednesday so I will be studying for that the next couple of days. Then after that my politics of identity paper is due. That is the DUMBEST CLASS EVER. Seriously it is the biggest waste of time I have ever seen. I would be more productive if i played farmville for 50 minutes every MWF. Whatever. I dont even have to go to that class again so I really dont care. After that paper I have to have my portfolio done for english which will probably be the death of me. I will most liekyl pull several all-nighters in the tech center which I'm sure will be a blasty blast. Then a few days after that I have my law final. That should be fun. I think if I honestly read and study I should do well. If not then i really dont even care. There are less than two weeks left till xmas and i am so excited but at the same time I know scranton is going to be soooo boring compared to philly. Hopefully Iwill be able to occupy myself there somehow.. I do think I will enjoy not having anything to do for a month straight but at the same time I know I will be so bored all the time and I will be wishing to come back to Philly.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Okay so I am in politics of Identity right now and I am very bored. Ithink I am going to the gym tonight but we will see. I asked Holly if she wanted to go but she has yet to reply. But I hate going alone. All I had today was a cinnamon bagel with cream cheese and a large diet coke. I'm kinda hungry but not really. If I do go to the gym tonight it is probably just going to the be the Eliptical or the treadmill. I'm not really feeling a class tonight. I will save that for Tuesday. Pat came here to suprise Katy on Saturday instead of staying at his house and having a party while his parents went away. It was nice but I think it was rude. He completely disregarded the fact that it is not just katys place and that she lives with three other people. I know its not that big of a deal but it just annoys me that he thinks he can come here whenever he feels like it without asking Katy or any of us. This class is kind of interesting but I really just dont care about identity politics. I really want to start running and I know I always say it but I DO want to. So why don't I? I have no fucking idea. This is going to be a boring week and I already can't wait for the weekend, and it's onlt Monday =( I'm trying to think about what I want for dinner tonight but really everything here just sickens me anymore. I can't eat another cheeseburger from J and H. I really think Alissa is letting herself go. She puts cheese on her fries all the time. Yeah it tastes good but it is just so disgusting and im sure its horrible for you. She sits in her bed on her laptop all day on youtube and facebook. Any time I ask her to go to the gym she acts like its the worst thing ever. Like, I know im not skinny but atleast im putting forth some sort of effort. She is getting bigger too. I can see her stomach getting bigger. And its not that shes even fat, but like, whaddup freshman fifteen! I have lost weight since I've been here which I am proud of and hopefully I will be skinny by next semester.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Once again here I am procrastinating on yet another english paper. I am writing about Oprah and I am currently at a loss for words. This weekend was amazing. Probably one of the best weekends of my life. It was Halloween and I went to a party on Friday and then another party on Saturday. The first party was at this kid named Ramons house on 17th and Oxford. I went to a couple parties there before an always had fun. I didn't reallly think about dressing up because it wasn't actually Halloween yet but when we met up with the other people we were going with, they were all in full costume. Needless to say I felt like an asshole. But whatever, after an hour no one knew what anyone was wearing anyway. While we were there, we saw TJ Capobianco which was probably one of the most random fucking things that has ever happened to me. He was wasted, but I was too so everything way fine. We saw him while we were waiting in line for the bathroom and I told him to sing and all of the sudden he sings the loudest note ever in the smallest most echo-y hallway ever. Everyone was pissed but I thought it was hilar. The beer ran out kind of early so we didn't stay ridiculously long, as we usually do. We walked home (making fools of ourselves im sure) and came back to the dorm. Say Yes to the Dress ( one of mine and Katys faorite shows) was on so we watched that while we were drunk then we just fell asleep. We slept in ridiculously late then woke up and were all starving and thirsty so we went to J and H for lunch. When we got there we sat and talked and laughed about the night before (as we usually do.) After that, we came back to the dorm and me and Alissa went to South Street because we needed Halloween costumes. I ended up just wearing a ight blue dress and red shoes that I already had, and I bought some stockings and a basket with a stuffedpuppy in it and went as Dorothy. Katy was an angel and Alissa was a pirate. Pat was at Drexel for the weekend so he came in for Halloween to go to a party, but he didn't dress up. I felt stupid as I was getting ready but once I got out I really didn't care at all. We met up with Ali Zimmerman and Tara McNulty and went to Bobs house (where we had gone a few times before.) We got our cups and went downstairs and the first person I see is Ann Rejrat from Nay Aug. Totally random right? Then, as I was waiting at the Keg, I saw Mike Zangardi and talked to him for a little. Then later I ran into Serena Kearny who I went to elementaray school with and havent seen since about 5th grade. Then I was standing with my friends and I felt a tap on my shoulder and I turned around and saw Billy Schultz so I gave him the biggest hug ever. Then we talked for a minute and he left because he was playing beer pong and it was his turn. Then 2 minutes later I felt another tap on my shoulder and it was Billy again, so we hugged again ( we were both quite drunk at this point). Then we were stil hugging and he looked at Katy and Alissa and was like "I know you guys, but Sarah is my best friend" Then we talked some more and then Empire State of Mind came on so me and all of my friends were freaking out and singing. The rest of the night was ridiculous and I'm going to write more but I have a paper to write and only 10 hours to do it!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Okay, so I went to the gym yesterday and I did the Eliptical for 40 minutes, which is good because i had been doing it for 30 minutes and I promised myself I was going to do it for 40 and I did!. Tonight I am either going to a class or the Eliptical again but I'm not sure yet. Hopefully the class because I haven't gone to one in quite some time. I really do like working out. I feel so much better after I do it and I feel like i accomplished something. It is a good way to release stress as well. I'm really excited because I don't have any homework for tomorrow so Iam looking forward to relaxing and just watching TV (and going to the gym of course.) I get to make my schedule tonight at midnight and I really hope I get the classes I want/need. I am leaing towards business so I am taking college algebra, some econ class, a mosaic and 2 gen eds which I have yet to choose. I think I am just going to see what fits my schedule.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
So I just wrote this reallllly long rant blog about a bunch of stuff, and when I pressed the backspace key, it left the page and I lost it. Needless to say I'm pissed. First I was talking about how I went to the gym and did 30 minutes on the Eliptical. I also talked about my lack of sleep. It is 3:48AM and I am writing a blog that no one reads. This is cool. I have a pretty busy day tomorrow. I have to shower, go to my 10AM class, grab lunch with my roommate K, go to the TECH center to do work (this is a maybe), come back home, go to my 2PM class, go to advising so I will be able to register for classes, go to my 4PM class, then grab dinner. I will probably end up getting dinner by myself because everytime I ask my suitmates to go, they are like, 10 minutes late. Even though I specifically asked them to leave early so I didn't have to stand around alone looking like an asshole. Then I get mad and they wonder why? I think I would just rather get something by myself. I did kind of alot of stuff today. I woke up and went to the TECH center to get sources because I had a conference with my english prof. He was actually impressed with my research so that was good. Then I ran to the sac to get some lunch (I had a bacon egg and cheese on a plain bagel with ketchup and a Sierra Mist), came home, took a 4 hour nap, woke up, went to the sac with H to get dinner (I had a buffalo wrap with kettle chips and a diet Pepsi), went to the gym where I did the Eliptical for 30 minutes, came home, cleaned my room, cleaned the shower, and I was going to clean the other bathroom but it was just so fucking disgusting because 2 of my suitmates has their periods and neither of them thought it would be a good idea to take out the garbage so it is overflowing with used pads and its gross. I don't even have my period right now and K was gone all weekend so I should not have to pick it up, nor should I have to ask someone to do it. We are adults here. Taking out the trash shouldn't be an issue. So I wrote a note explaining the situation and A wrote one back saying she was gonna take it out. When? When the floor was no longer visible? Its gross and I seriously shouldn't have had to tell anyone to do it. I feel like a mother.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Okay so I dont want to write for too long because it is 3:40AM and I have a conference with my English Professor tomorrow around 12:30. But I went to the gym today and I did 30 minutes on the Eliptical.. Not great but it is a start. Im pretty sure im going to Sweat and Sculpt tomorrow so hopefully I will be able to stay on track.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Okay, so why cant I fall asleep? I really wish I knew because then maybe I can fix whatever it is and just sleep already. I have a 10AM class tomorrow morning which means I will have to get up around 9AM and it is already 4:33AM and I seriously am not even tired. I'm watching late night MTV which reminds me of when I couldn't sleep back home because this is what I used to watch. Right now the music video for Lady Gaga's song Papparazzi is on. It's an okay song I guess. I wonder why I can't sleep. Maybe it's stress, although there isn't really anything specific that is stressing me out right now. I mean, college in general is a pretty stressful situation, but its not like I have anything due tomorrow. I have my law class where we do nothing, my politics of identity class where I dont really do anything except take notes and go on FarmVille, and sexuality, where hopefully we are getting our tests back because I think I actually did good on it. Its not that im doing bad in school, It's just that im only doing average and I really wanna do well. Hopefully next semester will be better because I will be more used to college. Who knows though. I ate way too much today. For lunch I had a buffalo wrap, for dinner I had a burger with cheese fries, and then I went to fourth meal and got chicken fingers and ice cream. I really need to start eating healthier food. It's not even that I eat that much, but the stuff that I eat is isgusting. If only I actually liked veggies. Blaaaaah. Waking up tomorrow is going to be awful (if even go to sleep.) I know 10AM isn't really even that early for class, but I just cant seem to et used to waking up early. I really wish I could fall asleep early. No one is even on Facebook right now. Like, I need to learn how to go to bed earlier or something because this whole not sleeping thing is not going to work out well inthe long run. I will just have to take like, night classes next semester because I dont think I can do morning classes. I wish I had some Ambien CR or something that would just put me to sleep. So it is now 4:45AM and I am still not tired. Even if I did fall asleep by 5AM (which is pretty much impossible because it takes me at least 20 minutes to fall asleep) I would still only get 4 and a hald hours of sleep at the most. I sometimes wonder if anybody actually reads this blog. I dont know why they would but I think it would be cool. If you do, let me know=) Why is the music video for "Fergalicious" on right now? Its 2009 if im not mistaken. Oh well. I guess thats whats on when you stay up until 5AM. I think I am running out of things to write. But I'm still not tired so I guess I will find something to talk about. This whole blog thing is actually quite relaxing. I can get my feelings out into the open without people I know reading it, because they would probably just make fun of me. It helps get things off my chest that I dont really wanna talk about to my friends. I think Fergie is white trash. I dont know why, but she just kind of seems dirty or something, like she can never actuallly be clean. Idk, its weird. And gross. Im glad I dont get really bad acne. Not that I hate people who do, but its just really gross and Im glad I dont have to deal with it. Like, that must really suck. But I would rather have acne than be fat. But I guess I can work on the whole fat thing. I just need to bring myself to the gym more. I really want to be skinny by the time spring semester rolls around. Then maybe I can get a boyfried. I have really been wanting one lately. Idk what it is but seeing people together kind of makes me depressed. Well, this was a really long and pointless post, so I suppose I will go now seeing as it is 5 to 5. =)
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
So I think i want to start running. One, to get in shape. Two, to be skinnier. An three, as a way to release stress. I honestly think once I amin shape enough that running is possible I will really like it. I just really need to start. Its kind of hard though because none ofmy roommates are really into fitness and definately not into running. It fall so I will probably start in the gym then hopefully by the time that spring rolls around I will be able to run outside. Who knows maybe I willl meet people. Hopefully I can start running and I am going t try to write about it in this blog so I can track my progress. I don't think I will be able to start today but hopefully sometime this week. The sooner the better really. I also want new sneakers so maybe once I get them I will be more motviated.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Okay so my roommates boyfriend is here and I just want to say that I hate him. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him. Seriously they are so fucking annoying. First of all he thinks he can control the tv like it is his just because the Yankees are playing. You don't own the TV. Like, all these 2 have been doing is laying in that stupid bed either arguing or being fucking annoying. I'm pissed. Like, can you argue about more stupid things? Like, they fight about nothing. I can't even study for my test tomorrow because they are sitting here in the dark watching The OC at 2:18 PM. Like, GET THE FUCK OUT OF BED. Seriously. And he was supposed to leave on Sunday, but now he's not even leaving till Monday and Katy didn't even tell me? Like, you have roommates. You can't just do anything you want without asking anyone.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
So I guess I'm really getting into this whole blog thing because I have written 3 posts in the past day (this is my fourth.) Whats weird is I really don't like to write. Enough about that though. I really wish my mom didn't miss me so much. Like, I do miss her. I just don't want to go home yet. I like it here at school and this is where my friends are. She is probably the only one at home who misses me. This english paper really has me buggin. Like, I really didn't think it was that bad. I know it's not the finally draft. I think im more embarrassed than I am dissappointed in myself. I'm just not good at writing papers. They suck.
Okay so my english paper sucked. Big suprise there. In the words of my professor,it wasnot deep enough, it was a dissappointing effort, and it seemed to be done last minute. Which is tre seeing as I wrote it the night before while I was half asleep. Fortunately I have a chance to rewrite it before the final draft is due. Iknow I always say I'm not going to wait until last minute but I'm seriously this time. I really didn't mean to put 3 spaces after each period. I don't know why that happened. Oh well. It will get better and hopefully my second paper is a little better than the first. Oh well. I'm so fucking tired.
Okay so I know my title is stupid but I seriously posted m first post about 3 minutes ago. An I still have no motivation to write my paper or find sources or do a works cited page. Honestly I don't really even want to sleep either. Sure, I'm tired, but I think sleep is such a boring thing that should be reserved for boring times. I don't understand why more people don't stay up late. The letters on my keyboard are sticking and it is really pissing me off because every two words I type, I look back and realize there are letters missing and what I put so much time and effort into typing is not even close to being comprehensible. But it's fine. I really wish I drank more. I just have such a good time. But I also wish I was skinny becuase honestly, I hate being the fat one in my group of friends. Sure my friends don't really see me as fat anymore but people I just meet are only seeing me as the fat girl with skinny friends. Sure, I'm not morbidly obese, but when I stand next to a 5'2 95 pound friend, it sure looks that way. It's not like I don't try to lose weight. I really think I am starting to. But probably not. I really wish I could write like Chuck Klosterman.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Okay so basically right now I am sitting in the dark while my rooommate is sleeping, creeping on a kid who I seriously don't even know, and thinking of anything I can do to keep me from writng my english paper that is du in approximately 11 hours and 14 minutes. This seems like a long time to write a paper, however, I really hate writing papers, and I also would like to sleep sometime between now and when I have to hand in my paper. I only have a ten minute conference with my english teacher tomorrow but I know that will be enough time for him to tell me how bad my first papers was and how bad my second paper is going to be. Man, I really hate writing. Although I supposed blogging isn't too bad. But that is probably because no one is making me do it. Actually, it is something I probably shouldn't be doing. In reality, there are so many things that I should be doing right now, yet I'm sitting here, typing away on a blog that probably no one will read and if theydo read it, they will find it at the most mundanely interesting. But probably not. I really wish I didn't procrastinate so much. Like, I had atleast a week to do this paper. Actually, probably more than a week, but I probably was not paying attention when this was announced, seeing as I rarely pay attention in english anyway. I really do like college. Sure the work sucks but they people and parties are cool. I mean, sure I don't really go out as much as I would like to, but I blame that on my roommates for never being motivated to go out. We could go out everynight if we wanted to, but unforrtunately I find myself going out about once every two weeks. I mean, I don't want to be an alcoholic, but drinking is fun. Whatever, maybe I'll do this next time I have something important to do thatI don't want to do. Even though no one will read this.