New Blog

Okay so I made a new blog on Tumblr. I dont know why but I did. That one I might let people see so I wont say some of the personal stuff that I say on here about my friends and stuff. I seriously cant wait to just be done with school work, but honestly, im not really that excited to go home. When Im here I have Katy or Alissa or even Holly or Gina or Megan to hang out with but when Im home katy has pat and alissa has kristy and her family and I feel like I have no one to go home to. Sure I have my family but my dad and my brother dont want to spend time with me. I do miss my mom and I know she misses me, so Im excied to see her and spend time with her but she goes to bed early and I feel like I end up spending all day inside doing nothing while everyone else is spending time with their other friends. Even Brianna. I know she wants to hang out cuz she doesnt really have that many real friends. She seriously meets these random people on the internet which I think is weird. She said she want to go on a trip to King of Prusssia to see some guy and stay over night with him. I just think that is weird because I dont even know if she ever met him before because she told me she kinda didnt wanna go alone. I guess I would go with her but I think that would be weird for me, even if someone else came. Like, I honstly dont feel like I have that many people who caare about me. My mom does I know. But even my dad. Like, I always feel like he never wants to talk to me and its always forced when he does. And if he does wanna talk he is usually fucked up and acting like an idiot. My brother doesnt miss me either. I try to spend time with him but all he wants to do is play one of his stupid games. He just gets annoyed when I come into his room to talk. I really want a boyfriend but I will probably never have one because I am so fucking fat and ugly. Like honestly I wish I was just skinny. Even ugly skinny girls can get boyfriends but no guy wants to be with a fat girl. I wish I had an eaingsdisorder. Seriously like I dont even have that many friends. So many of them like emmy and michelleandkristy and colleen arent really my good friends. Like seriously the only people I talk to anymore are katy alissa and brianna and all of them have other people who care about them to hangout with at home. I really miss my mom. I dont really think about it during the day but now that I think about it I really do miss her. I feel so bad because my brother and dad dont spend time with her and she works all day to make money for them and I dont think they even appreciate her. I havent said I Love You to my mom in years. I want to. I really do. But I dont think I can and I dont know why. I do love her and I want her to know because I dont think she knows how much I really appreciate her but for some reason I stopped saying it and if I started to say it now they would think it was weird and make a big deal about it and idk why I feel like I cant. When I go home I am really gonna try to spend a lot of time with her because when im gone I miss her and I want her to know that. Im crying right now because all of this is making me sad. I feel bad for my parents because christmas is coming up and I know they dont have a lot of money. I really dont want anything for christmas but I know it makes them feel bad when they want to give me stuff and they cant. Its hard for everyone right now and I feel like my parents will feel like they need to give us more. Im pretty much bawling right now soI should probably stop. I really cant wait to see my mom now.